Posted: 10:33 am Wednesday, June 14th, 2017

It’s not the gluten…it’s you 

By Anna Hummel

 

I’m pretty blind when it comes to social mores, let alone fashionable trends and the cutting edge of “cool.”  I still don’t quite get the appeal of the romper (and newly released “romp-him”) or any other article of uni-clothing that would require I completely disrobe to use the bathroom. I don’t know the origins of the ombre hair trend or why it inspired a look of purposeful un-manicured roots. I guess if you slap a French name on it, it goes from trash ass to posh AF. But what do I know?? I wear jeans with running shoes. Sadly I have enough insight to know I’m committing faux pas, but the apathy consumes me as I enter this 3rd decade of life.

While I don’t quite understand what makes things trendy and stylish, I accept them all….except for one: the gluten allergy.

Now I’m no avant-garde in-vogue fashionista, but last I checked, physical ailments aren’t “cool.” You don’t see anyone bragging about their asthma and astigmatism, or excessive boasting when it comes to severe plaque psoriasis or rosacea. These things aren’t cool. They are the result of an imperfect outcome of defective genetics combined with a less-than-ideal environment. Being “allergic” to gluten doesn’t make you stylish, trendy, or more educated. Being allergic to gluten makes you a less viable reproductive partner. Not sure I want to breed with someone who’s body can’t handle a derivative of wheat, or worse yet, someone who is proud of it. Natural selection is about to run your ass over and I’m stepping out of its way.